You Never Get Used To It

It’s been very nearly 15 months since Bob died. It seems like forever and just a moment since that horrible day. So much about my life has changed. There is one thing that hasn’t…

I still have moments when I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that he’s never coming back. There are moments when it catches me off guard. I will be at the store and reach for something he liked to eat to surprise him and be struck like a lightning bolt that he’s not here to eat it.

I will be driving down the road and see the same car he used to drive and look to see if it’s him. Then my breath will catch in my throat when I remember that it can’t be.

I sometimes still expect his text in the evening that he’s on his way home. Sometimes I wait for that text to start dinner and then realize it’s never coming. He’s never coming home for dinner again.

I read something recently that described this feeling perfectly.

“The realization of everything you lost, once again-comes crashing down.

As a kind looking human walks up next to you and grabs – a tomato – and you remember what life was like when a tomato was just a tomato.

& did not have the ability to take your breath away.” -John Polo

Man, do I feel that to my very soul. It’s amazing what can steal your breath. It’s unpredictable what will stop time and take you back to when the person you love was there next to you.

I think there will always be these kind of moments. I think there will always be pieces of my heart and my mind that will never accept he’s never coming back. I also think that’s okay. It makes sense that parts of me will always look for him since there are parts of me that will never stop loving him.